me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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