Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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