I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
