she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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