So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
