Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
