Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I love you. Go after that dick
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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