apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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