i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
