Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
