My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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