i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize