cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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