I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
