Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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