I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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