There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
