I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
