I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
