11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
