I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
