Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
