who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
