was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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