I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
