This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
