I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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