a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
