I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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