I could have mohawked her pubes.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
