Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
