Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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