she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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