There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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