You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
