My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I party with great urgency now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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