Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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