used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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