sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Two words: nipple clamps
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