You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
