Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
