We're like a lot better than the average bears
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize