I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
