i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
