I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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