What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
