He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
