dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Randomize
