I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
