My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
