I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
