the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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