sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
