Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
