***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
