Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
