I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you would pick up someone in the library
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
