I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
