Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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