I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
