it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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