remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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