If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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