Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
